Customer service basket case

Customer service means never saying “no.”

I went into a sweets store at the mall this past weekend to buy a gift basket for a visiting client. As I browsed the store’s shelves, I noticed the goodies in the baskets looked less than appetizing, so I asked Jeff, the customer service representative, if he could make a fresh basket for me.

“No,” he said, “I can’t do it for you today.” Then he went back to the counter and waited on another customer.

I thought about it for a bit and then reapproached Jeff. “Why can’t I get a gift basket made today?”

“Because my basket guy has already gone home” he replied. “He won’t be back in until Monday.”

Now, you should know that whenever I am confronted with stupidity, it’s really, really hard for me not to smart off. Sometimes, I’m able to hold back if I try super hard. This wasn’t one of those times.

“Does your basket guy have some sort of special basket-creating license that allows him, and nobody else, to put candy in a basket and wrap it?” I asked.

“Well, no, but he’s the only one that knows how to work the shrink wrap machine.”

You just can’t make this stuff up.

Sensing that a solution might be in sight because I have some experience with shrink wrap machines, and thus have been fully trained in the mysterious art of shrink-wrapping, I thought I might mention this to Jeff and see if he might be open to me stepping in to pinch hit.

“Hey Jeff, I know how to work a shrink wrap machine,” I began. “It’s a pretty straight-forward operation. You just slip the basket in, seal it and then heat it, right?”

“Well, it’s hard because the plastic wrap can get holes in it and stuff,” he replied, and then turned away and walked back to the counter.

I’ll admit that Jeff’s amazing powers of customer non-service almost had me stumped, but I knew in my heart that if I tried hard and exerted all of my creativity and will, I might be able to draw from Jeff the customer service I needed. So, I thought I would spell it out for Jeff and see if I could get him to rise to the challenge.

“Jeff,” I began, looking him square in the eye, “I am trying to give your store some MONEY. What I’d like for you to do is offer me some options that will allow me to do that. What are my options for buying something nice for my client today, not Monday?”

“Well, I can’t make you a basket, but I guess I could make a gift box for you.”

Hallelujah and pass the peas. A customer service convert. One down, about a billion to go.

The principle that I was subtly trying to get Jeff to understand was that you never, ever tell a customer “no.” Instead, replace that word with the words “no, but…”

In Jeff’s situation, the conversation might have sounded less like, “No, you‘re out of luck” and more like, “Hmm, I can’t get you a fresh basket right now, but how about some of our fresh pralines and fudge in one of our gift boxes?”

How hard would that have been?

There are several reasons to use this approach instead of saying “no.”

1] When you tell a customer “no,” you risk sending them down the street to your competition. There are just too many people waiting in line for a customer’s business for you to shut them down cold.

2] The word “no” is offensive. There are too many great alternatives to use instead.

3] When you offer options, you show the customer that you actually care.

Which brings me to my final point. Before saying no—and I know this is really going to stretch a lot of folks out there—why not just try! Give it a shot. Go for it. Give it a whirl.

If you fail to make the figurative gift basket, you can always default to the “no, but…” method afterward.

In a recession-stricken economy, there are only two types of businesses: Those that offer excellent customer service and those that are either going out, or have gone out, of business. Which one do you want yours to be?.

Feel free to reprint this article in your organizational publication. We only ask that you use the following attribution blurb at the bottom of the article:

© 2010 Charles Marshall. Charles Marshall is a nationally known humorous motivational speaker and author. Visit his Web site at http://www.charlesmarshall.net or contact him via e-mail at charles@charlesmarshall.net.

I am customer... hear me roar

Allow me to introduce myself. I am a customer.

I am the person that makes the economic engine turn. I am the reason you take home a paycheck. I am the reason you are able to feed your family, pay your mortgage, go on vacation, buy a car, and contribute to your church or synagogue. Because of me, gigantic corporations and small businesses alike have risen and flourished. Because of my absence, they have faded from existence.

The roads you drive on, the police and fireman that protect your community, the teachers that teach your children all exist because of me. Politicians and postal workers, sanitation workers and soldiers all owe their jobs to me. Without me, no taxes would be paid and any and all societal advances would come to a halt.

The wise come to know, respect, and love me. The foolish disregard my importance and suffer accordingly.

By the way, you’ll notice that I didn’t introduce myself as your customer. That’s because I don’t belong to you. Even if I make a purchase from you, that doesn’t mean that I will do it again in the future. You are always on trial and I am always evaluating, measuring, and testing your product and service.

So pay attention to me. Get to know me. Learn my habits. My likes. My dislikes. My desires. My dreams. My values. Learn my language. Learn to recognize my moods.

Above all, treat me with respect. I will not be ill-treated, and why should I be? There are too many businesses vying for my attention. Every time you turn on the television, open a newspaper, or listen to the radio, you see and hear multitudes of companies competing for my attention. There are too many people who are willing to treat me right in exchange for my business.

And know this, I am not easily fooled. Businesses treat me right or suffer the consequences. Sooner or later I always discover dishonesty, disrespect, or disinterest. Most of the time, I don’t announce my displeasure. I simply take my business elsewhere.

Occasionally, we will have disagreements. I don’t like mistakes but I understand that you sometimes make them. The manner in which you handle my complaint determines any future interaction I have with you. And, in my mind, it also determines the character of your business. I rarely ever give you a second chance to make the same mistake twice.

So, watch for me in your business community. If you’re fortunate enough to see me, do everything in your power to woo me and make me your own, because I hold the key to your financial success. It is no exaggeration to say that when you interact with me, your future hangs in the balance.

Learn me. Know me.

I am a customer.

Feel free to reprint this article in your organizational publication. We only ask that you use the following attribution blurb at the bottom of the article:
© 2010 Charles Marshall. Charles Marshall is a nationally known humorous motivational speaker and author. Visit his Web site at http://www.charlesmarshall.net or contact him via e-mail at charles@charlesmarshall.net.